Oh, dear. How I detest that question. What do you want to know? A demographic?
I’M EXUBERANT ~ SOMETIMES TOO EXUBERANT
I’m Canadian. A Baby Boomer with a surfeit of energy. And enthusiasm. In a word? Exuberant. That’s me. I wear lots of hats, as we all do. Here are a few of mine: Journalist. Blogger. Researcher. College Professor – part-time. Volunteer. Public speaker. Mental Health Advocate. (My Dandie Dinmont Terriers – Lucy and Riley – help to keep me sane. My husband Marty does the heavy lifting in that department. He’s my rock. I couldn’t do this and all the other things I do, without them.)
Over the years, I’ve won a number of awards for my journalism, my blogging, my community service and my mental health advocacy, but as far as I’m concerned, the awards are yesterday’s news. It’s what you’re doing now, that counts. All awards do is collect dust and occupy space on my resume. (If you’re interested in that, I’d be happy to post it somewhere.)
I’m constantly changing and growing and learning. And I’m not the most patient person in the world. I’m passionately curious. That’s what drives me. Passion and curiosity.
ABOUT BEING “CRAZY”…
So, what do I know about being “crazy”? Lots.
I’ve had a variety of diagnoses over my 50-year psychiatric history – schizophrenia, catatonic schizophrenia (both entirely wrong, by the way) and then manic depression, bipolar disorder (also inaccurate because I’ve never been depressed) and this “designer label” which more accurately describes me.
“A unipolar mood disorder with a vulnerability to mania.” My psychiatrist gave me that one.
I take medication and it’s very effective and innocent, so my mania never rears its head any more. If I have inklings, I know how to prevent it before it’s full-blown. That’s what all that psychotherapy does for you. You won’t get much insight from a pill bottle. I gain insight from my psychotherapy – I call it “my PhD in me,” though I’ll never graduate with a degree.
I don’t like diagnoses and I despise labelling. I wish we could do away with them. Too many people internalize those psychiatric labels. And they do such damage to your psyche. It’s taken me years to overcome mine and to realize that I’m okay, enough.
Now, we’ve found one that’s really label that’s more accurate for me than any of the above. Hypomania. So that’s what it says on my Medic Alert bracelet.
I’M FAR FROM PERFECT – JUST “OKAY, ENOUGH”…
Most of all, I’m okay enough. Not perfect, far from it. I’m learning that okay is enough. Though I can tend to perfectionism at times. My psychiatrist, Dr. Bob and I, have been working on this for 20 years and continue to work on it. And it’s hard work, but it’s worth it.
I’m also in Recovery. Empowered. I live a meaningful life. A life I love.
The point is labels don’t ever really fit very well. There’s no such thing as a perfect fit in psychiatric diagnostics. It’s an imprecise science. There’s no one-size fits all because we’re all unique. Labels are for jars, not people.
So here I am, warts, wrinkles and all. Out and happy to be so. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Out. That’s what I’m all about. Talking about what it means to be crazy. (And we all have a crazy moments.) Or mad. I like that word. Madness. A fine madness. Sounds great to me. It’s liberating to be out and not covering up anything. To be what you are. Free of all the stereotypes. All the assumptions. We all carry them around and it’s time to liberate ourselves from them. Let them go.
That’s what this community is all about. It’s a process and it demands processing, too.
And I’ll leave you with a couple of pictures of my support system. Without them, I wouldn’t be here with you.
“Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.” ~ Groucho Marx
Banner Photo Credits: All the headshots on “Coming Out Crazy” were taken by the superb photographers of The Toronto Sun Photo Desk ~ with one exception. The shot on the far right was taken by the Seneca College staff photographer. They are in chronological order ranging from 1988 on the left through to 2008 on the right.
The photo of me and my dogs Lucy and Riley above the tagline was shot on September 19, 2006 by Toronto Sun photographer, Dave Thomas, at the Annual Dandie Dinmont Terrier Club of Canada “Fun Day” a.k.a. “The Dandie Games” or “Embarrass the Owners Day.”
The portrait of me draped blissfully around my husband Marty was taken by one of our guests on my camera at a dinner party we gave earlier that year. It’s one of my favourites.
Congratulations Sandy!
The new blog is fantasic. As always, I will be looking forward to reading, learning and growing along with you.
Dear Elly,
Thank you!
You’ve given me such a boost! I’ll do my best to live up to your expectations.
Here’s to resilience.
Hugs,
sln
I think that I can close my mouth now after having my jaw drop while reading your blog at the Star informing us that they weren’t going to carry your blog anymore. I, like everyone else I’m sure, was in shock! Couldn’t believe it really and honestly, my jaw dropped in disbelief.
Anyway, as you say, time to move on – at least you are still here and that is the main thing. I have already added your new location to my favourites.
Welcome to your new home, Sandy. I’m sure you will have fun with it.
Dear Sheila,
You know, I was thinking of you when I decided that if I’m going to carry on by myself I have to move fast and start instantly, cyclically, so there’s not even a hiccough in the rhythm of our “Coming Out Crazy” conversation.
After all, you know that conversation, talking, sharing, candour, being free to be upfront and honest and “out” in a safe haven is what we’re all about here.
You have no idea how thrilled I am that you’re here and that I’m a bookmark. I sincerely apologize for being the cause of your jaw crashing to the floor. I sincerely hope no dental damage resulted.
You’re such a lovely voice in our community and, now, I really feel we’re on our way.
Heartfelt thanks for your kind note.
Sheila, we will have fun and lots more, too. This is a whole new world.
Sending hugs and spring showers for your flowers.
xox
s
Congratulations, Sandy, on your new online home. Here’s to the continuing conversation!
Heartfelt thanks, Rona.
I’m sure most of you don’t know that my trademark “Coming Out Crazy,” came through you, when you were editor of Chatelaine magazine and in 1998, asked me to write a first person about my life with my mental illness. The title of that story was, indeed, “Coming Out Crazy.” I sorely wish I could access it online, but I cannot. It was one of the best magazine pieces I’ve ever written (the research very accessible) and it gave me what has become my brand. Have I ever formally thanked you for that and acknowledged that connection? Well, now is a great time. Thank you! I am indebted to you.
We’ve stayed in touch over the years and your support of this new venture means the world to me.
I couldn’t agree with your sentiments more about “continuing our conversation.”
And thank you, again, for your good wishes. What a wonderful way to begin the day!
With affection,
sln
Sandy,
I am a terrible communicator — especially on blogs, online etc. BUT I have no doubt at all that you will keep on keeping on, and I want to have the privilege of keeping up with your amazing correspondants.
Lori G
Dear, sweet Lori,
You’re a wonderful communicator. I know exactly how you’re feeling and what you’re saying. You come through clear as a bell. I would be honoured if you would continue to keep up with what’s “going on” here and the best way is either by signing up for an email subscription or through a newsreader, if you have one.
That way, you can follow every word.
I am touched by your support, Lori, and cannot tell you how much your kind words encourage me.
Thank you! And I look forward to seeing you at the next family Simcha!
Hugs, be well and my best to Ernie,
sln
Hi, Sandy,
Speaking of sharing – today I was fortunate enough to attend a Stillpoint practice. It was very good. 8 of us as participants lead by the co-ordinator. It was a really good meditation escape and after we began to share. I don’t often share with the group, no matter how large or small, but I did today and that was in large part because I have been practicing my sharing on your blog. So, thank you for that. It did feel better and it is a group where everyone feels safe (even in person). It is one of the few places in my life where I truly know, not just feel, like no one is judging anyone else in the room. That is a rare experience. But I just thought I’d let you now how my “coming out” here is helping me in “coming out” in other places too. Maybe slowly, but still – baby steps.
Dear Sheila,
I’m so pleased for you and proud of you. Coming Out is a very gradual process for most people. It happens in layers, like peeling an onion. (And you never reach your core. I love that metaphor for a couple of reasons. Peeling onions makes you cry and coming out is a very intensely emotional process to experience.) You’ve proven why this blog can be so empowering for individuals, if they choose to use it the way you have. First, you came out to me in a personal email. Then, gradually, you began to share publicly through the comments. In the process of sharing, you’re adjusting to a new facet of your persona. An open and honest person, without dark secrets and the heavy weight they impose. I am no therapist, but this is part of the talking therapy approach and you’ve done the work, my dear Sheila, not me. I’ve just listened with my eyes, ears and heart, and responded.
Good for you. This is a major milestone in your recovery. Bravo.
I’m thrilled that you shared this with me and our readers. Baby steps are all that you need. Tiny baby steps, pointed in the right direction. At times, you may take a few steps back, but see how far you’ve come. Keep the big picture in mind.
Sending you affection and hugs,
xox
s
Thanks so much for bouncing right back from the Star’s foolish decision. And I see Rona Maynard has commented. I was the person who commented about her talk at the library, which was last week. I did not get there, and asked the library if they were planning to videotape and post it on their website. They replied, no, we don’t do that. Staffing, and copyright issues. Maybe she’ll see this. Maybe she has a tape of her talk.
Hi, Jem…
I was just about to turn in and your lovely comment arrived. Would you mind terribly if I responded properly, tomorrow. I am so utterly exhausted. Classes ended today ~ I teach two classes at two different campuses on Thursdays ~ and I’m so tired I’m afraid I won’t make any sense. Perhaps Rona will speak again. She’s a very popular speaker. Let’s ask her to keep us in the loop, here.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m putting my iMac to sleep and I’m going to follow suit.
Have a good night and a restful sleep.
Sincere thanks for joining our conversation.
Cheers,
sln
I am sooooo happy you will continue to write!!! I would have missed you terribly if you had stopped blogging!!!!
I have now bookmarked your new site and look forward to your posts!
Cheers!! Kate
Hi, Kate…
I’m looking forward to having you online with us. A part of our community. I would never dream of not blogging. I would never dive overboard and abandon ship. This place has become like a family to me. My home. No, I’m here, for the long haul. As long as the Internet lasts and blogging exists. It’s my passion. I love it. It’s like being on radio. Same voice. Dynamic. Resonant. I’m very happy to be one of your bookmarks.
Thank you, Kate! I love your enthusiasm.
xox
s
I am sane like everyone else even though the world might not think so. I hold down two jobs and go to school,working on an MSW. My mania is my salvation and my depression is my guide. I am not embarrassed to say that I have a mental illness and I try hard to strike down the stigma by the things I do and say. Like I tell everyone the abbreviation for Mental Illness is M.I. however if you reverse the letters and hypphenate between the I and M (I’M) it states I AM SOMEBODY, therefore this is my motto that i’m somebody with a life, responsibilities, hopes and dreams that i’m accomplishing on a daily basis so resilient I AM.